Expectations

It's been one year since Grace and I left Modesto and headed east toward our new life - our new reality. So much has happened. So much has changed. So much has not exactly turned out the way we expected it to.

Now here I sit wondering how everything that seemed so sure is now crumbling beneath me. I have tried so hard to remain faithful. I have tried so hard to have a Christmas spirit - an Advent heart. Yet I go through the motions each day with a fake smile plastered on my face hoping I can keep it together another 24 hours. I just want to sleep through the whole thing at this point.

What do you do when you stop believing in the magic? How does one regain the childlike wonder and awe when reality keeps creeping in? I guess you just have to continue to fake it 'til you make it as they say.

Ah well... I'm praying that 2009 will be better. I'm praying that obligations and commitments will be honored. I'm praying that everyone who is hurting will find peace. I'm praying - at least I'm trying to.

So here's to 2009. Here's to survival.

Listening to the rain...

There is something quite soothing about rain. Oh, I know... I grumble and complain about rain at times. But, on a night like this when it's late and most of the world is asleep, rain can take me back to slow summer nights of my childhood when nothing was as important as catching fireflies and eating watermelon - seeds and all. I like being inside my home on a rainy night, warm and dry and safe - listening to the staccato of droplets outside my window. I just wish those I love most were here, too.