Nothing is sure but...

SQUIRREL!! A simple comment like "does anyone else here have a blog" sent me off on a merry chase to view my old blog which led me to writing.  The most phenomenal coincidence (there are NO coincidences) is that this question came from someone who is taking an online Brave Girls Club class with me - and my last blog post was about the Brave Girls Club post I took two years ago... 

I was reading through my last posts and it occurred to me that while change is challenging, I've been through a great deal of it lately.  Another observation is that "change" should probably be included in the list of life's guaranteed absolutes:  death and taxes.... and change.

To catch up quickly:  I did finish Soul Restoration 2 (now called Life Restoration - see - another change!) and over the next 18 months completed all but one of the goals I had set for myself.  I completed all of the requirements to be fully licensed as a therapist in South Carolina and North Carolina.  I completed certification in trauma-focused therapy.  I graduated with distinction from Capella University with a Doctor of Philosophy degree in Psychology.  And now... we're one step closer to my final goal... 

We're moving back to North Carolina!!!  

Last May I left my full time job with the SC Department of Mental Health.  I don't want to go into all of the reasons that I walked away from steady income and benefits but I will just say that I never regretted my decision for one moment.  In August I took a part time job in my adopted hometown.  I started working "PRN" for an inpatient behavioral hospital and continue to do so (just with less availability) even though I took a full time position with a different hospital halfway between where I live now and where I want to be.  Thus - the decision to move closer to my jobs - my husband has decided to reduce his job to part time...

So you see... everywhere I turn there is change.  I suppose I should get used to it!

See you sooner...

Soul Restoration

I have spent this past week in several hours of self-reflection as I answered the guided journal exercise.  This is the first exercise in the Brave Girls Club Soul Restoration 2 online course which I started last Tuesday.  I, like other class members, tend to over think the answers as if we are being graded by some cosmic headmaster and the fruition of our future dreams and visions depend on saying "just the right thing."  Oh, I wish it were true.  I wish that just by writing down over and over again that I am achieving balance and letting go of old hurts that I can wake up tomorrow or the next day with it all figured out.  I do believe with all of my heart that the laws of attraction bring to us what we ask for.  But what if we ask for the wrong thing?  What if we don't have a clue what we really want? The what ifs will make us crazy.

I wish I had a way to do a word usage generator on a handwritten document.  I have a feeling several words would float to the top of the leader board:  Balance. Abundance. Letting Go. Family. Friends. Peace. Harmony. Fairness. Equality. Healing. These are definitely the things I hope for - for me... for my family.  But is this enough?  How do we ever know?  I guess that's part of the discovery process.  Being open and receptive to whatever the Universe wants for each of us - and being flexible - allows the abundance to flow to and through us.  At least that's what I intend to attract!

I can't wait for next week's class.  I can't wait to see where this path is leading.  Now if I could only find the motivation I need to start writing on my dissertation chapters!

Blessings...

Change sucks

but unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), it's necessary.  I found this unattributed quote tonight and it seems to sum up how I've been feeling lately:

“As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.” ~Anonymous.

All relationships change.  It's inevitable.  The inevitability doesn't make it any less painful.  But, I've weathered worse... and, in reality... what I'm feeling may be nothing.  It may just be a series of missed opportunities, of exhaustion and life getting in the way.  I hope so.  However, no matter what, I will keep this quote in my heart.

Onto a slightly different topic... I've started a new online class called Soul Restoration 2.  We're in the first week and the assignment is filling out 14 pages of prompted self-reflections.  Wow... It's not easy writing for just me... and keeping the authenticity and honesty flowing.  I don't know about you, but I find it easier to be authentic with a presumed audience that with my own self.  Is that weird or normal?  I had to go back through the sheets and refine some of my responses because I felt I was trying to please a phantom reader - you know - say what you think they want to hear?  I think I've been trying to write my responses based on what I think I want to hear. Ok... that's making me dizzy!  I have to start just writing from the authentic center of my soul - pain, ugliness, harsh reality, and all.

Anyway - the end result of this journey should be a mixed media vision journal of the life I want to have.  I guess I have to work on being open and receptive to what the universe has in store for me...instead of what I think I want it to say.