So what else do you do at 3am

besides sleep, that is?

When my phone rings after midnight it is never a good sign. My daughter's first words were, "I'm not upset. I'm sick." Well, that got me out of bed. As she described her symptoms, I was typing them into a symptom checker - the everyman's self-diagnosis tool! After typing them in about 20 possible problems popped up - and three of them said, "seek immediate medical attention!" Since we live 2 hours apart we had to call on her brother to take her to the ER.

So, it's now 3:40 am on a work night. I've redesigned my blog layout about 6 times. I've played 7 or 9 games of Scrabble and 3 games of online Jeopardy. Of course I'm not going to sleep. I've had three updates so far: registering, waiting room, and the latest - moved to the inner waiting room where, quoting my son, "there are more machines and less TV - that must mean progress!"

I suppose I could have started working on my dissertation proposal... nah - not enough brain cells working at this time of night. Or I could have cleaned out my junk drawer... nah - too noisy. I guess I'll just sit here although I am getting sleepy...

Oh my goodness... where did the time go?

So my sister mentioned my blog and I had honestly forgotten how to access it... it's been THAT long.

So much has changed over the past 3 years. We are still in South Carolina. The house in Modesto is gone with the wind. Grace and Caleb are living in Asheville... I have a grandson now! So much to catch up on... most of you who have followed my little attempt at blogging know all of this anyway... so I think I'll just try to start fresh.

Expectations

It's been one year since Grace and I left Modesto and headed east toward our new life - our new reality. So much has happened. So much has changed. So much has not exactly turned out the way we expected it to.

Now here I sit wondering how everything that seemed so sure is now crumbling beneath me. I have tried so hard to remain faithful. I have tried so hard to have a Christmas spirit - an Advent heart. Yet I go through the motions each day with a fake smile plastered on my face hoping I can keep it together another 24 hours. I just want to sleep through the whole thing at this point.

What do you do when you stop believing in the magic? How does one regain the childlike wonder and awe when reality keeps creeping in? I guess you just have to continue to fake it 'til you make it as they say.

Ah well... I'm praying that 2009 will be better. I'm praying that obligations and commitments will be honored. I'm praying that everyone who is hurting will find peace. I'm praying - at least I'm trying to.

So here's to 2009. Here's to survival.